Internship finished ~~~ ^O^

3 months of internship finally end it with a full stop . Next week would be a practical journey in the Practical room . I hope I could score in this final exam . Theory paper is the easiest while I'm worried about my skill that carried high CGPA . 3 months really passed very fast and now already end of a year . The 3 year courses really meaningful , 1 and a half year to go . Hope everything would be fine including relationship between friendship and family , studies and all what I got now . Successful is the main goal for my life , but I won't sacrifice anything to let the successful easier .

A New Day Comes

On 8 November , I worked morning shift . After I finished my work , I returned to house . I had lunch with my elder sister at stall . Long time didn't go there since last year MARCH . I felt that the shops getting old , the staff there also getting old . The Ban Mee stall that I most love still there , I had it and the taste still there . My sister bought DVD for my dad because many movie that release at theater , he never see it . After finished the other guy , I went out with Tony as usual . We went Jaya Jusco Shopping Mall to buy some vegetables and prawns . We had our dinner at Xiao Dong Fang restaurant . After that , I dropped my wallet at there and it lost . Luckily was after make the payment , food packed for my partner also . I'm just wondering why I'm so unlucky recently ? I dropped my phone on 6 November , why god treats me like this ??? Isn't that to prove that a new day coming ??? I settle everything at the second morning including Licience , Identity card and etc . On 11 in the morning , the security guard near the restaurant area called me and gave back my wallet but all the money gone . Got new document . I hope I don't be so careless anymore .

Everything would be fine ~~~

Today I felt that I should appreciate the thing I had now , I got a partner that always supporting me . Sometimes partner would just said don't think that what in the fairytale but I would live at the fairytale because of the happy ending . I got a friend Tony , he is the friend I got when I break up on last relationship and this partner . I felt god is fair enough to me , because I treat everybody sincerely , although sometimes I'm quite upset with friendship then the god let me got a lot of friend . Challenge would make everybody growth and getting mature , that's what we call LIFE . Every challenge we met and every person we met would just for temporary , this world no forever friend and no forever enemy but I entrust on it .

Nearly 2 Month

The relationship is getting stable . We had no sweet memories but like a couple that marriage for a long time , some people would just wondering what type i like ? For me , a love no need sweet memory because the sweet memory won't stands for long time , why don't we just remained on the same stage ? I like my world right now , although is tiring but I'm quite enjoyed ... xD  Love for me is simple , as long the person let me felt safety , then I could with the person . By the way , I would just like to say I LOVE YOU . I don't no when the relationship would break , but I'm really enjoyed with this relationship . I would just like to say , please don't leave me alone , anything just inform me . I hope I could become stronger and don't be too jealous about who you hanging out with .

The New Relationship ( 3 Weeks )

I enjoyed with my relationship now .  I just knew that my relationship started on 16 September . My relationship between partner was because one of my friend asked to go bookfair . Then I knew my partner . Partner was not a fake person , I still remembered the first time . O^O I love my life now .

Boring Day

Today is the 1st day work after 9 days of RAYA holiday ( including semester break ) . The sad memory really as my wish , disappear after 15 September when I wrote my previous blog . The god really treat me good . I would appreciate everything that god had been gave me . I need gambateh for studies , love , family and even relationship between friend . ^o^ . I learn to enjoy food and drinks now . The drinks that I loved Most is Starbucks Americano .

Hope the sadness would disappear

I would ask what's happening to me ??? Depression still keep on attack my mindset . I would ask is that ridiculous to ask partner to have dinner with me everyday ? Is that ridiculous when I hug partner to sleep ? Why didn't had any scientific proven about love ? Then I could turns better because of those theory . The reference of articles really is depending on experience , that's what I experienced it . Love articles from sweet to sadness , everybody experienced it before , BUT why I didn't take it as a lesson ??? I saw a articles at Facebook just now , why the guy's always less a NEURON ( science terms - for the neurological terms ) and the girl's more one NEURON ??? But I had the female NEURON that love ROMANTIC ??? I'm just a f**k combination of 2 kind of gender ??? IMPOSSIBLE !!! The god created human being , is that I'm a INSANE or just abnormality that happened in my psychological problem + mental status .Really just hoped everything would be fine after this RAYA holiday . Everything turns normal and become a LEONARD Chong as usual as I did .

Thanks to Jason Haw + Chin , Si En

谢谢一直以来陪我的日子。在我最需要人的时候，就算你们工作再累，你们也借你们的耳朵让我诉苦。也许想你们说的有第一次就会有第二次，原来网恋比真正的恋情更幸福。任何甜言蜜语不会因为觉得恶心和尴尬而说不出口。I got a lot of word to tell DEAR , but I couldn't because I really worried I would depress . This holiday will be concentrate on novel and hang out with some friends . Sorry to make all of you worried about me . Thanks for all of your message , email and phone call . Si En , a thousand thanks mean useless , but the heart of blessed from me would followed wherever you go . Jason Haw , I like to hear your love story and thanks for share blog with me . Because this is the process of getting mature and learn a lot of thing . Jason Chin , you're the friend I most worried , don't be stress up with your life , enjoy it ( the same sentence I adviced to myself ) . The dance you learn is really make you more attractable . Jason Chin with me for 4 years for Jason Haw with me for 6 years . Thank you for you guy's , love you all so much .

How ???

I saw what the person wrote ... ? Single is more freedom ? My heart totally spoiled . I let myself a chance , I thought that I already gave DEAR a lot of space , did I too bother ? Did I too sticky ? Can't I SMS DEAR everyday ? I'm already a pessimistic guy's , although DEAR didn't said anything , but what DEAR wrote I felt it . Maybe as they said , nowadays love and sex were separated that's the reason why many HIV cases ? I don't no what should I entrust on . Maybe DEAR already exhausted with my childish , and I like to doubt what DEAR doing . I would just said sorry , because I looked normal and short , I worried other would grab you from me .

Unpredictable Ending ... T^T

Once again , I little heart spoil again . Is that Troponin I release when a person broke up ? I'm just early 20 , I got problem with my heart could not play badminton because it would lead to heart attack ? I really wish to have a wonderful love story and world , that's what I could leave for the world and some of my buddy still could had the memory with me . I had dropped my phone again by yesterday because rushed to home then got a date on 1300H , but my DEAR forgot that , when I called DEAR , DEAR sounds tired then I would just informed my phone dropped . Waited at the food court till 1400H , thought DEAR would came and rememberred the date . When I sent those broke up message , I reflects back all the memories with you , holded your hand when on the bus . Sometimes you turns very angry and mad because need to rushed back to hostel because of my HOSTEL LAW and REGULATION and scared me late . I really enjoyed the DAY traffic jam and I could HOLD YOUR HAND although just for a few minutes more . I like to call you PIGGY just because I'm the PIGGY . I like every morning when I received your morning greeting " Good morning , my dear / babe . " Not your mistake , just I'm the one who didn't appreciate and entrust on you . Maybe that's my sin then the god took you away from me . When I saw the couple at the Mid Valley , they would holded their hand and walked through the SHOPPING CENTRE . I still rememberred what you had said , we would see TWILIGHT together , that's why I haven't watched until now . For you , LOVE should be flexible and don't live at the past ; but for me , past is the everything and the promised you had been said .

又是一个人

心情越来越崩溃了,原来自己的条件比一般人差。差到不像人，也许说猪狗都不如。要求已经放到最低了，却还是给人遗弃。为了感情放下一切，换来了多么的不值。我可以牺牲了友情甚至亲情就因为爱情。我虽然我知道我很笨，但是为了你一切都无所谓了。就算朋友多，没有看到你的心是多么的难过；就算可以强颜欢笑，但是心理的泪痕却无人知晓。有时候真的忘了哭的感觉是什么了，泪痕从睡觉的那一刹那就开始了。心理隐隐作痛无人晓得，毕竟这条路是自己的选择，选择了就要对自己的选择负责任。

我好想念他~~~

刚开始追求的时候，每天早上都可以收到他的信息。在一起的理由也比一般人单纯，那就是距离。时间久了，感情也稳定了，却开始了忽冷忽热。晚餐和聚在一起的时候也少了，心也开始折腾了。连回我的信息也懒了，不然就说电话没钱。每天也开始期待他的信息，等到睡了，第二天早上也看不到他的信息。晚餐开始一个人了，我的疲惫不是工作也不是学业，只是简单的爱情。就连晚餐想一起吃看多几分钟的脸都难。就算真的是累了，可是无法入眠，就因为思念，终于明白为何人们说思念是一种病。出去拍拖说没钱；跟朋友出去就有钱。这些烂借口虽然听到厌倦了，但是就因为爱上了也就是因为这样放不下。有时候往往信息说没生气，但是头上还真冒烟了。

越爱越宅~~~

谈了恋爱后，人应该越来越照顾服装，饮食等等。而我却越来越宅。逛街也觉得无聊，要买什么都叫妈妈。我只想应该说一心一意和他出去，其他人我不在乎了。有时候把一些话收在心里反而跟难受，说了出来轻松多了。人家说吃东西七分饱，爱人爱八分，剩下的留下来爱自己。有时候慢慢的理解文章写什么，毕竟写出这些文章的人经历了很多，才可以文笔出众，像我这种就算年龄接近19了，却还想谈Puppy Love。浪漫？感受不了，有时候觉得自己出去奖励自己更好，而且一个人反而自在的多了。我开始喜欢上一个人的生活，不知为何？受不起伤害了还是选择逃避现实？有时候知道得太多反而烦躁，我好想回到单纯的生活，无知的生活，别人说始终折磨，但是对我而言那是幸福，至少不用烦。感情的离别就是从松手，分手，放手。要怪就怪我没有爱情的天分，爱了，放了又散了。

想法~~~

又在这抒发情感,毕竟除了自己,就没人看了.为何我这么陶醉于感情之中?我陶醉的同时,成绩和气色都很好.有时候只想他陪,毕竟我们是朋友升等恋人未满.我只需要安全感,其它的我不在乎.有时候真的等他主动等到心门要关上心门了.出去只不过是希望拥有更多时间走在一起,却说很累,看到不知该心疼还是心碎?现在更相信于佛教，Dharma的存在其实就像中国人所说的阴阳，存在于这个世界的磁场.我想已经忘了哭的感觉，因为眼泪不由自主的掉了.

心理怪怪的

我真的很喜欢他，我一没有他的信息我就浑身不自在，就算在家，我感觉到孤零零的一个人。每天早上收到他的信息就是对我最好的推动力。是他付出先，所以现在轮到我付出了？那天和我的好朋友谈了，其实突然觉得世界很矛盾。当追求的时候什么甜言蜜语都说得理所当然，这个就是所谓的现实？

Sad day ...

Weekend gonna finish , felt abit happy because could meet my dear . I'm sad because my auntie maid wanna return to Surabaya . Felt sympathy to my cousin because the maid came before she birth and she like to stick with her . Later 1300 will go to KLIA airport to send her . The maid same age as me , but I know every single thing happened is setting up by god that what we usually call it's as fate . Yesterday I was complicated maybe of think too much , maybe that's because I'm pessimistic . Sometimes felt single is better , but I really wished to have a partner . But when I had a partner , I will very worried till I drop my tears and could not focus on my class by looked at the phone . Felt I'm really the idiot that didn't love before . Maybe as my Malay friend told me before , we could not aspect somebody to change , but we could change because of them .Felt wanna let everything go because make me stress out .

靠山

莫名的依靠，让我变得依赖。每天找他吃东西，却担心他因此感到反感。我有莫名的幸福，好像塞车塞久点就有更多的时间一起。是我看太多小说还是什么？为何觉得骑脚踏车然后载他是一种浪漫，时间可以过久一点；玩他的手是一种消遣，这样说好像一点变态。看着电话等待他的信息，跟他好像心灵相通，当我一拿电话，电话便响了或信息来了。感到小小的浪漫，我却选择了牺牲朋友。

感情???有点不理解

今天对感情有一点复杂，感觉有点被玩弄。是我想太多还是什么？他跟谁出去，我的脑却一片空白，我朋友说不用问太多免得使对方觉得反感。问题是我的心就连上课都无心，无趣了。感情已经变成了我的负担？好困惑，整个人好乱

开学了~~~

明天终于要开学了,新的一年,希望有新的开始。这个学期也要好好加油。终于变学长了，但是今年却华人都没有,心有一点淡,还以为又有更多华人。心情好复杂，也不知道为什么？？？是不想开学还是什么？？？原本想换电话，却换不成，真的他妈的不爽。还是因为担心？？？昨天朋友告诉我，我是第三者？？？真的如此吗？？？真的超级心情不好...

这个才是真正的我，但是却没人理解

天平不懂得拒绝，天平面对一个自己明明不喜欢的人，只要那人能主动积极一点，那天平是不会拒绝的，因为天平觉得拒绝会伤害你。为了不伤害你，天平只有牺牲自己. 或者，天平会为你对他哪怕是一句关心的话而感动，就为了感谢你这句关心的话而和你在一起，因为天平永远都是追求平衡的，他认为你付出了哪怕是一句关心的话他就应该回报你，而不是真的因为爱你才和你在一起. 天平在爱情方面确实是比较优柔寡断犹豫不决，这点必须承认。但是天平为什么会这样？因为天平想的事很多想的很远，天平觉得如果要爱一个人就要让对方快乐。这里说的'快乐'包括很多，比如说有没有足够的经济能力来维持平时和你在一起时的花销，能不能让你每天都开心，自己的朋友和父母会接受你吗？你的父母朋友能接受自己吗？天平是出了名的12个星座最懒的，如果不是因为爱你天平根本懒的考虑那么多！如果天平一旦确定你就是他深爱的人并且确定了你们的恋爱关系以后，那么这时候天平追求完美的一面就展现出来了. 这时的天平满脑子就是想如何做到最好让你觉得自己是世界上最幸福的人。和天平恋爱过的人应该都知道这一点吧，刚和天平恋爱时的感觉简直太完美了，一些只有在电影和小说里面出现的情景会经常出现在你们身上，你会感觉现在的你真的就是世界上最幸福的人。这时的天平只要每天能看到深爱的人开心一笑就算付出在大的代价也愿意！由于刚恋爱时的天平表现的太完美了，以至于对方已经习惯了天平的这种完美表现，这在对方的心理已经是对天平的一种标准，所以天平只要稍稍表现的不够以前好，对方就会不习惯，就会觉得天平不爱她了！可是，这个世界上谁也不可能永远都做的这么好，天平也不能，虽然这时天平依然深爱着对方！对方的抱怨让天平觉得自己很委屈，自己付出了那么多对方却还不满足，还说自己不够好，所以天平就会觉得自己的付出不值得，到最后当然就只剩下分手在这里给所有天平朋友一个忠告，细水常流，平平淡淡才是真，不可能每一天都是完美的！烟花确实绚烂，但是注定短暂！这里在特别说一下天平男。天平男花心吗？也许吧。但是所谓天平男的花心又和其他人不同，最原则性的不同在于天平男的花心跟爱情本身不关。所谓天平男的花心应该理解为是一种博爱。天平男认为世界上一切事物都是美好的，而女人更是这个美丽世界中的一个个艺术品。所以女人是要用来好好呵护的，与爱无关！这是天平男一种怜香惜玉的本质。这种本质是天平与生俱来的，是根深蒂固的。天平真正意义上爱一个人时是和那种怜香惜玉的爱是有本质上的区别的。天平真正爱上一个人时，天平在心中会把爱人奉为自己的女神，不仅有爱，更多的是一种尊敬甚至崇拜！反过来说，天平面对自己真正深爱的人时内心会有那么一点小小的自卑。这里的自卑不是平时大家所说的因某种缺陷自卑，这种自卑是相对于'完美'二字来说的。大家也许会怀疑，自信又自恋的天平也会自卑？是的，因为天平面对爱人的时候总希望自己做到完美，但是天平不明白完美只是一种传说一种境界，世界上没有人是完美的，天平也不能，所以这时天平就会产生自卑感。要求完美的天平对自己的不完美很不满意，觉得自己配不上心爱的人，所以很多天平宁愿选择放弃(其实天平在对方心目中天平已经很好了. 但是放弃不等于不爱。天平对自己深爱的人是一辈子都不会忘的。放弃对天平来说另一种爱，天平会永远把深爱的人深深埋在心里的某个角落默默的为对方祈祷祝福！天平不是因为寂寞才会爱上一个人，天平是因为爱上一个人才寂寞！天平对于自己内心真正的想法很少对人倾诉，因为天平深知沉默才能坚强。所以，除了天平自己之外没有人能真正了解天平，除非你来生有幸作为一个天平时用生命来体会一次。。。。。。不管是谁对谁错，一切的过错都由天平背负着，任由人们误会，任由人们无端的指责甚至漫骂，天平只是轻描淡写的一笑而过，在人前永远保持着优雅的微笑。一切是命中注定，无需多言，我们即然是天秤，太懂得去分析事情的轻与重，善与恶，真与假了。所以说对于本身也是一种负罪吧。因为都看透了。对于真不真心，懂的人自然了解，不懂的人也不想再多说，因为我们是天秤，骄傲的天平！传说中有位骑士名叫天平，英俊，迷人，优雅，高贵。。。。。。黑夜中，西风吹过;白马上，骑士仰望星空;手中有剑，心中有爱，骑士正在为他心爱的人祈祷平安幸福！夜，还是那么黑。路，还有那么远。人，还那么寂寞！朋友'二字对于天平有多重要是一般人不能理解的。这么说吧，天平把友情看的重要。因为天平是一个特别害怕孤独的星座，天平不会享受孤独。每个天平都有轻微的抑郁症，孤独就是诱发天平抑郁症的罪魁祸首！而抑郁症的最大特点就是厌世，这绝不是危言耸听，孤独就是能让天平产生厌世的感觉。天平是活在人群中的人，只有在人群中天平才能找到自我的位置发挥自我的价值。所以天平总是希望自己的朋友多些在多些。对于自己不喜欢的人，天平虽不愿把他当做朋友但还是希望对方能把自己当成朋友，但凡是天平认识的人天平绝不会轻易得罪。为了维持这种和谐的关系，天平不的不圆滑一点虚伪一点，见人说人话见鬼说鬼话。其实天平真的很累的。绝大多数的时候，天平的朋友受到伤害和委屈了，天平总是第一时间出现在朋友旁边安慰和关心朋友，给朋友以最大的鼓励，但是当天平受伤时却很少得到这样的待遇。换句话说，天平的朋友看上去虽然很多，但是知心朋友却很少，能了解天平内心的更始微乎其微。天平对每个朋友都很好，而且都是一样的好，以至于大家都不知道天平对谁是真心真意对谁是虚情假意。天平一生都致力于创造一个自己心目中理想的和谐的美丽新世界，在那个世界中没有明争暗斗，没有尔虞我诈，大家都是好朋友，所有人都互相关心，互相照顾。总之，天平对朋友是最无私的，宁愿天下人负我，我不负天下人是天平对于与朋友关系的最好的一句话概括。如果你有朋友是天平的话，那么你应该感到幸运

句号...

过了第一百四十天了，也是时候放手了。我很矛盾的一天，之前一直拿LG电话修理就是为了他的电话，还到Maxis台找他的电话。今天，终于狠下心把一切都结束，虽然知道他MSN阻止了我跟他联系，Facebook也不理会我，传简讯也不回，但是我希望还可以做会朋友的余地。我已经丢弃面子，跟他主动了这么多次，却得到的是一一的伤害。是时候结束一切了，因为结束的同时就是新的开始。我再爱面子也跟你低声下气了，我的自尊不是随便可以让你糟蹋的。白痴的生活也是时候结束了，让自己拥有自尊的活下去。我也是人，看到你我也只会装陌生人，我不会跟一个连基本礼仪都不知道的人计较，因为不是像你那样下贱。

感情 ~~~

纷纷飘扬的花瓣，滑下面庞的泪水，那一天两个人一起仰望的，景色如今只剩一人。我竟是如此害怕回忆，静静闭上双眼，封起心灵。无数次想要去忘记，每到这个时候，你都会不由自主地浮现，我愿意永远守护你，哪怕遍体鳞伤，也想比任何人都更加靠近你，深情凝视。紧紧拥抱你的温度，乃然残留在我手中难以忘怀。无论经过多少个春夏秋冬，我是如此深深眷恋着你.

很累~~~

我真的有少许怕了爱情。刚再一起的时候，什么承诺都说得出口，但是最终却没有兑现。明明过了接近四个月，每当一开“facebook”,却是让我有一点耿耿于怀。我明明很想关心他，却连接近他的勇气都没有。看到他写生病，明明想去他那儿照顾他，却担心他的冷淡。他有了伴侣，我明明想祝贺，可是我的心却碎了，心情也变得很恶劣。我看到他幸福的样子，我也相当安心。从来都没有证实过我们在一起的痕迹，只是处以暧昧状态。

100 Day's

This Saturday is TP birthday and also
our 100 Day's for didn't meet up .
I'm quite stress out , Should I send
a message to TP ??? Should I help
TP the celebrate TP 21 years old birthday ???
My mind really complicated ...The every
steps make me confused . Could someone help
me to settle this question in my mind ???
Examination coming , I should not be disturbed
by this small matter's . T^T

成熟

有时候真的不想那么成熟。每天为家人烦，
他们会感谢我吗？有时候做家务，一没做
却换来一一的责备。有时候一些想法不说
他们真的无法理解，说了出来却担心不爽。
每天想做家里最好的孩子，我做得到吗？
我在外面的压力已经好大了，想回家
透透气，但却跟外面的生活没两样。

依靠

现在的心情好浮躁,有时候不知道是自己有问题还是什么。
每次都是这样，我的人生到底几时才可以让我停下来泄
一口气。在实习的时候，要求朋友帮手，等下却过了一个
小时。在学院，等别人来通知，倒不如自己向前去询问。
现在在家里，也是如此，等了一个小时，回来就用忘记
当借口。做人做到如此，不如不要做。神给人类脑袋就
是要我们运用它。 当找到依靠的时候，想要停下来休息，
一切却过去了。真的好想找依靠。每次的依靠却让我
一次次的受伤，有时候真的会心灰意冷。

THE DAY I SHOULD BE CHANGED

I just realised that , my personality had a problem . I should be start to change my everything . I must be change to more reality . I really not happy with my house , everything that I do was a mistake . Why DON'T I JUST CHANGE TO A EVIL ??? I'm also a human being , I should be have the feeling of JEALOUS . Why everything , my parent would buy for them , and the thing I need , need to pay myself ??? Confusing and suffocating . I turns like this not because I love to count , but the pet and the electronic that not belongs to me , why should I take the responsibility to let my parent scold ??? I'm just take care of the pet , that's not mine , why u all keep on saying that I would be go to hell without any evidence or u all just wish me or cursed me . I'm a human that had the NORMAL 6 SENSE inside the books GUIDELINE of BUDDHISM .

I Learn To Let It Go ~~~

The day I went to “the person(TP)” house . My motor had a bad
sign ,seemed like wanna blocked me went to TP house and my
mobile phone don't followed my instruction by hanged . These is
TP house . I was waited there for 2 hours by sat outside the
Emergency Stair Case .During waited the message by TP , I was
rushed for my Nursing Report in Central Sterile Supply Unit
( CSSU ) . On 1730 , I received TP replied that the message ,
TP won't be backed so early and asked me don't waited for
TP . I saw TP message that TP was at Mid Valley with TP buddy ,
but I thanks because TP informed me that TP not at house ,
if not , I would waited until night .I returned with a sad
feeling's .I hoped I won't be became idiot anymore !!!






>>>>>>> TP House

>>>>>>> The First Place We Swam

















>>>>>>>The place I came out from the Parking Area













>>>>>>> Walked out from the Memories

Already 34th day Miss " The Person "

Emotional when missed " The Person " .
Today , I was assigned inside Central
Sterile Supply Unit ( CSSU ) . I knew
that why Tutor not allowed us using
GAMGEE to clean the Perineum or Penile .
They were really handmade to comfirm the
sterility of GAMGEE ( a big cotton ball )
took a long period to process . Although
sterile set didn't took a lot of time ,
but the process took that . Any mistake ,
need to redo all the set . Enjoyed went
around the Hospital Area . I played with
the wagon . But what I mad today was ,
All the CSSU staff taught me as MALAY .
But they really cared about me , until
my colleagues jealous . Tutor , staff
nurse and attendant all took cared of
my . I should appreciate because I learn
a lot from them .

The Result Given by Today

Yesterday , I'm also hard to fall asleep .
The thing keep on appear on my mind , I'm
really worried everything . Maybe I'm not
mature enough , but I tried to be it .I'm
happy because many people cares about me .
Thanks to all the friend by send message
to me . Don't worried about my life , I
won't be suicide . The result of your
health condition really make me worried .
Could you stand for that ? Hope you
always healthy , although can't become
Lover , but still can remain friendship .
Just give me sometimes to suit myself .

Sorry Senior

Thanks Senior Teh Wei Keat . That day I
really can't stand for it again . That's why
my tears keep on dropped . Thanks again
console me , and took your time during ur
clinical training . I endure it for many day's
but after I release my mood really turns
better . I'm not professional enough
because I can't control my own emotional
during worked . I would learnt to become
cold-blooded as a professional . Cold
-blooded also is the way the protect
ourselves , like the animal against the
temperature = fight with the natural
phenomena . xD . Thanks to Senior Tan
Xin Yi because shared what u had passed
by before , the experience that u shared
with me awoken . We ate Ice-Cream
( Taiwan Famous = Xi Mi Lu ) and Ban
Mian ( that are made from Flour ) .
We had bought many thing also ( ^.^ )
but because of going " Night Market "
I had lost RM 100++ because of ate +
shopped . But RM 100++ to change
happiness is worthed .

Sadness Moment Had Gone

Yesterday , I was flu that's why I wore a surgical
facemask . I felt quite enjoy with the Clinical
Attachment because Diploma in Nursing chosen
by me was I wish I had no time for love , and the
love will be spread the the person that needed .
But MY PRINCIPLE had BROKEN by myself .
Senior keep on entertain me , thanks for KAK
LILA and KAK BALQIS . BOTH of you taught
me alot of the BASIC NURSING SKILL .
I walked from University of Malaya Medical
Centre to reach University Station ( PUTRA )
It takes about half hour , I felt my bone gonna
spoiled . The who journey for about 45 minute
in the train , because of the song I heard , I felt
my heart was more painful than my leg .
Reach house , my mom cooked sugar cane and
bought me a coconut . I miss what my mom
cooked because that's what I could felt my mom
still cares about me [ non-sense (=.=) ] .
Went out with my gang , I don't no that many
shops were changed , just about 1 years didn't
reached there . They send me back to house .
Thanks Leona , Hello Kitty and David . U all
said my face seems pale and lethargy .

心情好混~~~

我的想法真的好乱,想哭却忘了哭的感觉。
我好想大哭一场，真希望朋友可以一巴掌
给我这个白痴。一个人在房间，感觉好可
悲我这么为他难过，他却跟别人一起。我
真的开始喘不过气来了。心情向包菜花一
样，一层一层的被撕下来。今天吃了蛋糕
( Secret Receipe ) 感觉不到甜味，吃饭也
感觉不到满足感，不是没有胃口，而是苦
的感觉真的存在我心里。

原来眼睛大是一个罪

开始领悟了,眼睛大的人很容易得罪人。
我朋友跟我的情况一样,我们斜视让
人家以为我们在瞪人,明明只想偷瞄。
我看了Joey Yap的书才明白，眼睛大
的人真的属于激动型，但是就是因为
我们眼睛大的人的激动造成很多不必
要的麻烦。有时候给人家说做作，
只能用两个字来带过，那就是:
无言

放手了

决定把自己解脱,槟城的旅程让我学会放手。
回想起那两个星期，真的如神经般哭笑不得
现在却知道自己要的是什么。谢谢您，佛。
看了你的故事，也许我遇到的坎坷不如你，
所以我学会了珍惜现在自己拥有的东西。
精神的崩溃也开始恢复，也许是把自己
接近“宗教”吧！看东西也看开了。我下了
很大的决定，离开“它”，也delete了不少人
改变是从自己开始，明明理解了很久，却
下不了手，现在的我心情真得好多了。
“朋友”只能跟你更你说拜拜!!!

我的家变了

好怀念去年还没有上大学的日子,我妈妈好像变了。我还不够独立吗？家里我是唯一一个住外面，我的内心都已经很不平衡，初二那天我妹妹尽然说我每次打电话回家就只是为了钱。住外面难道不用钱吗？我也是人，我真的对这间家越来越陌生。尽然都不用他们给学费，怎么他们还可以说出这种话？哥哥姐姐都还住家里，我却一个人住外面。我自己也是想独立，但是我努力得来的代价竟然是这样，不是说活在人家的眼里。以前别人都说这间家少了一个儿子，但是我却是在外面打工，连假期都没得休息。参考书都用自己钱。讲再多也觉得无助，只是说我吃醋心强，但是我内心的创伤却没人看到。家里的东西，全部只要跟妈妈说就能买，那我呢？衣服贵一点就吵，我妹妹她们呢？我很想做工吗，如果可以我也不想变成负担和累积。改天再也不会跟家里拿钱，死也死在异乡，免得见了阎罗王还要交待。我真的内心可以平衡吗？？？之前连补习都不去，为了省钱，他们都没看到却说的理说当然。我真的也想自私一点，签这些烂合约来约束自己，压力每天都往头扎。

Feel SAD

Today Morning . As usual , I bathe on 0630 &
continue with my FACEBOOK ( Country Story
, Fishville ) . I went to class on 0730 . When I
reached there , I found that the Principle of
the college wanna see me for interview part .
( I had missed the session ) Went into the class
, find a place and sit on it . Our class assembly
start . The projector showed the photo during
Orientation and with a sweet song . I can't even
saw one of my photo during Orientation .
Maybe I'm inside Emergency there , can't join
any activities that organized by senior .
When I saw the SYMBOL of University of
Malaya , I suddenly felt depress . I thinked I
would collapsed during this 3 years course .
My leg start on cramps , and felt hard to
breath . Don't when my life would end .
Maybe for other's , they don't appreciate
what they got ? Could I become a Nurse that
sit on a wheel chair for treat my patient ?
I'm really worried about my health status .
Hope everything would be fine .

Resit Day's

EARLY in the morning , I had woke up on
5:30 in the morning . First time the exam
I felt relaxed until like playing a quiz test .
After had my bath with the cold water ,
I felt freshed + refreshed . My nose swollen
again and again (=.=) Feel dyspnea during
night . As usual had my Green Tea on the
morning . DOUBLE REFRESHED my mind .
( POKKA GREEN TEA ) . I got a good sign ,
the sky got a " LINE " like a graph that said
we would IMPROVED . THAT'S what I told
my friend that depressed . He replied said
that it might be decreased . OPTIMISTIC
mind is the most important in our life .
MY resit paper finish on 15 minute because
of stomachache that troubled me .
DURING the class just feel relax until
sleepy . I keep my eyes opened .
FINISH class then wrote blog at here .
1430 will continue class and back to house .
(^.^) I really MISS house (T.T)

Insomnia

Now is 6 January . My mood still unstable and
feel stressful ... Now is nearly 2 in he morning .
I got insomnia since I know my result . My
mood no ever good during New Year Count
Down . I wish can cry out and have a stable
emotion . I feel my heart and my mind blank
right now . Morning still have the class .
I wish to give up , but I couldn't .
I still cannot accept my result .
I scare I would collapse if I not enough sleep .
I really can't control my mind set .